Jew Boy Bouillabaisse

Engrish

2011-08-23T01:29:00.001-07:00

This is from Molly's burgers on Vine. Good sandwich, better Engrish.

On the Bittersweet Road Again

2011-05-30T19:42:00.000-07:00

So I just got a last minute gig that's kind of amazing. I get to travel all over Europe for 1-8 weeks depending on how soon I blow it, and I get to see amazing sites (and sights), eat amazing food, I'm rolling with a great crew of guys that I really like hanging out with who will bring out my A-game because that's what they bring every day. But right now I'm sitting in the Tom Bradley Terminal at LAX, flush-cheeked, red-eyed, a tad teary eyed too, because it means that I will have to be without my sweet Brooke for this entire trip. Brooke, my amazing fiancee, so beautiful, so smart, so kissable, so worldly, so strong, so wonderful, and I'm a big pussy who can't stand to be away from her for so long. In addition to that, I will be without my sweet doggies for just as long. I feel so blessed for this opportunity and certainly, the compensation is fantastic and I'm so excited about the trip, but I feel that every time I experience something special, I will think of Brooke and how much she would enjoy it and I'll be sad. Trust me, the folks curbside got quite an eye-full when the 6'8" tall guy stood crying as he kissed his pretty tall redhead goodbye, even Brooke cried a bit (trust me, I'm totally the chick in the relationship, I cry when friends have babies, I cry when pets die, I cry when I hear a sad song, I'm a huge emo pussy).

Anyway, 90 minutes until takeoff and I have exit-row seats for my entire trip there and I'm giddy with excitement at the prospects, but I'm sad as shit that I can't experience it all with my soulmate by my side. Photos to come as they happen. Bon Voyage!

I was a Teenaged Security Threat.

2010-11-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

It seems like many people are putting in their two cents regarding TSA and pat-downs or what not, so I figure I should join in:

Even pre-9/11 I have always been a target for Airport Security. In Nice, they stopped me 3 times to search all my luggage between the front door and the gate, when I was a teenager I would frequently be pulled aside and searched or even "patted-down," I almost always end up being that random guy who has to have his carry-on swabbed for explosives. While I never found it particularly fun, I realized that this was the reality I lived in which meant I had to get to the airport early enough to make my flight in light of the extra scrutiny that I would be placed under. I knew that sometimes my pants might fall down a bit when I was forced to remove my belt. I knew that there was nothing I could do about it because complaining or being rude or difficult was not an option. That being said:

Quit your bitching, take off your shoes, empty your pockets, pull your laptop out of your carry-on, and shut the fuck up and be thankful that you have enough going for you that you aren't a TSA agent, because believe it or not, most of them don't want to have to grope old ladies and college students for a living.

and now I'm off my soapbox.

Blerg

2010-05-21T12:18:00.000-07:00

Today I have the privilege of helping my producer export a spot for Promax. The thing is, the spot was my concept, which he then took out of house to another editor. Out of the countless spots I edited last year, nothing was submitted by my employer to Promax, except of course for the two spots that were my concepts that I don't get credit for. What a great industry I work in.

Oh, to be a Laker fan heading into the playoffs!

2010-03-18T13:07:00.001-07:00

lakers vs blazers, originally uploaded by allanallanallan.

My family moved to Los Angeles from the East Coast in the Summer of 1976 when I was 4 years old. by the time I was 9, I had beed reborn, baptized anew as a Los Angeles Lakers fan. We had Buck (Magic) Cap (Kareem) Bob McAdoo, Norm the DUI Nixon, Coop, Smrek, McNamara, (OK, Smrek and McNamara were not particularly good players, but they were the dorky white guys that backed up Kareem, and they do have rings). We have the best Owner in sports in Jerry Buss, a super-pimp. poker player of a man who prefers a luxury box full of young women to sitting in the front row with a too-tight t-shirt, with sweat pouring down his comb-forward while he argues with refs (take note, Mark Cuban). The NBA logo himself, the great Jerry West, was a one time coach, and executive and a permanent fixture in the Laker family.

(What a good NBA team owner looks like)

(What a sweaty douchebag looks like)
So anyway, by 9 years old, I was hooked on the Lakers. Like the kind of hooked where I was making $10 bets with Celtics Fans and using the spread and odds and winning money purely based on faith in the Lakers always coming through no matter how the odds were stacked against them.

(only because I couldn't find the old-school anti-celtics Ghostbusters teesh online)

Because of this, I realized at a young age that you cannot count out a person or team of championship caliber based on how they perform in the regular season. Phil Jackson is known to have a somewhat relaxed attitude about losing leads in games or losing games in general. The understanding is, that the team will learn more from losing a game than they will from winning a game. This totally makes sense to me, my biggest mistakes were my biggest life-lessons. So when the lakers drop a few games in January, February and/or March, people start to freak out a little. Is Kobe taking too many shots? Is Ron Artest hurting us offensively? Is Fisher too old? Is Farmar too often in Phil's doghouse? Is Phil thinking ahead to coaching Lebron as a Clipper? All of these and may other equally ridiculous questions are raised on a seemingly annual basis.

In the 1999-2000 season, the first season with PJ as coach, the Lakers went 67-15. That's pretty effing good, by the way. Anyway, come January they went 16-4. I know, 16-4! With all four losses coming two at a time. I remember the media freaking the hell out about the the Eddie Jones & Elden Campbell for J.R. Reid and Glen Rice trade. OMG! They shot themselves in the foot! It's the end!
In the 2000-2001 season they went 56-26, clearly lottery bound! They lost games early in the season, they lost games late in the season, they lost to terrible teams like the Clippers and the Warriors, surely the would't succeed in the playoffs? Kobe hates Shaq, Shaq hates Kobe. Phil hates everybody including then GM Jerry West, Robert Horry can't stand the drama, who the hell is Mike Penberthy? Why is everybody yelling?!?! When is the Panda Express at the Staples Center going to finally open?!?!? And the Lakers go 15-1 in the playoffs and take the Larry O'Brien Trophy in Philly while Cookie Monster and The NBA's littlest thug cry in their towels.

2001-2002, the Lakers are 58-24, Mike Penberthy was released after 3 games, we couldn't seem to beat the Blazers (except for 3 straight to sweep the first round). We couldn't beat the Spurs (except for beating them in 5 games in round 2: does anyone else remember that deer-in-the-headlights look on Tim Duncan's face in that series? I mean, say what you will, he's mos def H.O.F. caliber, but he did not look confident in that series

Can we take a minute to talk about the Spurs' Spursmoni logo and court color scheme from the early part of last decade? What the hell were they thinking? Would men really rock that color when the go to Chilis on the Riverwalk? Anyway, back to the topic, anytime the Lakers dropped a game, it was the beginning of the end. Their demise was predicted countless times to no avail.

Ironically, it was the 2003-2004 Lakers, the team that brought in Malone and Payton that seemed for the time being to shake the stigma of self-destruction. I remember that offseason well, Karl Malone signed, Gary Payton signed, Kobe was accused of rape. . . oh, wait, that wasn't a good thing. Anyway, I remember when Malone was signed, my buddy Jeremy was ecstatic. "Dude, we just signed Karl Malone!" he said.
"Dude, I hate Karl Malone, I hate the Jazz, I mean he's a great player, but do you really want to see him in a Laker Uniform?" I asked. While everyone made plans for a parade in June, I knew that an NBA title couldn't be bought, it can only be built or in some rare instances it can be stolen (see Kevin Garnett Trade and 2008 Boston Celtics). I knew that the previous year's implosion against the Spurs would prove too much for this nucleus. As sad as it made me to see it, the best thing we could do is get rid of Fat Shaq and rebuild around Kobe.

Sure the next few years sucked ass. It was safe to say that nobody expected much from the Lakers and I was in that majority. There were some highlights, like when Bynum tried to get cute with Shaq:

or when the Lakers almost beat Phoenix (sigh)

But it was't until the Lakers made an amazing trade with the Memphis Grizzlies that it all came back together. A little side note here: People love to call the Gasol trade a gift or a steal, but that was a trade that actually worked out very well for the Grizzlies. They were able to clear 12 million in cap space with Kwame Brown's expiring contract (a move that may have saved the Grizzlies franchise. My parents live in Memphis, when I go to visit, I'm amazed at how cheap it is to go to an NBA game there, mainly because they can't get anyone to show up! They can get 30,000 fans a night seemingly to show up at a Tigers game, but the Grizzlies were actually less popular than High Holiday services and the Jerry Lawler hootenanny!). You also have to look at their current roster and realize that Marc Gasol, a candidate for most improved player this season was part of that trade, in addition, they acquired Darrel Arthur, a relatively promising young player in trading that 2008 draft pick (Donte Greene, who is a starter for the Kings I might add). Okay, enough of my soap box.

Now let's look at that 2007-2008 season, I thought for sure we would beat the Celtics, I was wrong, I can admit it. I underestimated the Celtics ability to do everything off the court to guarantee success on the court, but enough about that awful June, so let's move forward. . .

2008-2009!

Yup, we beat them Magic. . . folks though we wouldn't do it. (yawn)

Now here we are, 2010 and the Lakers have looked soft over the last month or so, but I'm not worried. This team can play defense when it has to and that will win you championships. My only concern is that Ron Artest doesn't know where that extra playoff gear is, but I have a feeling that Kobe will make sure he finds it.

Blind Item

2010-02-04T17:11:00.001-08:00

Wow, how do I say this without revealing too much. . . I just received news regarding someone I know using a service in a way that makes me laugh.
Good job, Ben, everyone can follow that statement. ARGGGGG! I wish I could reveal more, but this is a big personal victory for me. I win!

Google voice has some bugs to work out in their transcribing software.

2010-01-27T23:49:00.000-08:00

Here is the Google Voice version of the voicemail below as transcribed by them:

"Hey, we're going to have to morning to guide me that would be cool voicemails. Hello talk sucker talk to pocket tell us your so long. Good G 9. But China, but the guy and Smith But China. Epstein is, which i did good. Talk to Willie clips douche bag."

Obviously, they still have some work to do, I contributed by donating this voicemail to their efforts to improve their transcription.

How I spent my November.

2009-11-24T13:41:00.000-08:00

It's been a crazy month. On the first day of November, my beloved dog Homer had a freak accident and dislocated his right hip. After a very expensive overnight stay at the animal E.R. Homer returned home in an Elmer Sling and a fentanyl patch having had his hip forced back into place. Unfortunately, over the next five days, Homer's hip reluxated and he had to undergo more x-rays and it was decided that Homer needed a total hip replacement procedure.

Homer went in for surgery on Tuesday, November 10, but after being anesthetized and prepped, it was realized that he had a rash from his sling that could lead to infection, so poor Homer had to wait a week with his hip still dislocated until November 17 when he finally received his new titanium hip.

Thankfully, the surgery was successful, and after 2 more days in the hospital, Homer was able to come home with his new bionic hip:

As you can imagine, I am so happy to have Homer back home and that he is on the mend and expected to make a full recovery. The problem is, the accident ended up being VERY expensive and has put me into debt. In order to attempt to climb out of said debt hole, I've set up an online store with some Homer related couture and mugs and stuff hoping that most of my friends and internet friends would buy something, which of course would help me pay off some of said debt.

I encourage you to please browse the store and buy something and try to forward this info on to others so that they might purchase something too, helping to cover some of my sweet Homedog's medical bills:

Here is the Online Store

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for all of the kind words, positive thoughts and general kindness somany of you have given me and Homer.

I'd rather be here. . .

2009-10-16T11:40:00.001-07:00

98 degrees in Burbank, I wish Homer and I were at the beach.

a few positives because sometimes I sound like a whiney bitch.

2009-09-30T17:27:00.001-07:00

1) My girlfriend is rad and I appreciate her on so many levels.
2) My dog (and above-mentioned girlfriend's dogs) are super cute, so are our rats.
3) The NBA season is right around the corner.

What a shitty week!

2009-09-25T16:13:00.000-07:00

I really thought my week was awful until I saw this video and was so grateful I wasn't that guy.

I mean, I had a business deal go sour, my trust in a couple of friends was put in question, I found out my ex-girlfriend is STILL mentioning me in her comedy act (not favorably mentioned and this all comes after she swore she wouldn't mention me in her act, and then I politely asked her to stop after I found out the first time- Hey, ex-girlfriend, if you are reading this, I was seriously considering making fliers with some of the pictures I have of you completely naked and posting them at every comedy club in town, but I realized I didn't want to stoop to your level because I have standards about embarrassing people publicly, especially people I was in long relationships with because I have respect for myself and others).

ANYWAY, so after all of that garbage that happened, I am very happy that I am not handling it like the guy in the video above and I can feel very good about myself knowing that I treat others the way I want to be treated even if said people did awful things to me. A little kindness and positive thought can go a long way.

Match.com really has no idea how to market itself.

2009-08-06T23:40:00.000-07:00

Wow, okay, so Junkfoodie, you're an all American boy and you love cheeseburgers. Check. Now all the single women out there know there's a site where they can meet a guy that will take them to Hamburger Hamlet (at best) 5 nights a week. Then the voiceover comes in and informs these lucky women that they can meet someone "special," while at the same time "Junkfoodie" dances and hoots like a fucking idiot.

That's a buttload of win, ad-fucking-wizard-fucktards. I don't blame the actor. He's an actor, I mean shit, I have a friend who did male-enhancement commercials and was put under the impression that they would only air in Canada. Well, they lied to him and I saw my poor actor friend portrayed as a guy who had everything but a functioning penis. This poor guy in this match.com ad probably trained at Oxford and his read on the character was, "oh! I'm playing a douchbag." I mean, with that copy, who wouldn't make that assumption.

The biggest surprise here though is that I was able to find this piece of shit commercial on youtube so easily. The comments are hilarious. Lot's of "Canz I haz Chezberger?" jokes. Good times.

2009-07-22T09:55:00.001-07:00

Wow, so as it turns out, John Travolta used to be thin. Seriously though, I know it's the director's fault, but isn't he showering awfully close to that other dude?

It's official! I made up a word!

2009-07-16T14:00:00.000-07:00

Yup, I know, I'm a very important person now. See it all here.

Too Much Information

2009-07-15T04:30:00.000-07:00

So It's 4:30am. I'm super gassy. The kind of gassy that dragged me out of bed into the living room to post this. I wish I could say that they had a pungent, awesome aroma, but sadly, they just make a lot of noise and are very gratifying (in light of the lack of smell). My dog has been avoiding me all night, I think he thinks the 4th of July is going on in my colon.

That is all. I am sorry that you had to read this.

p.s. I have invented a new term: Fartsomnia. I put it on urbandictionary.com, now we wait for approval. More to come.

Oh No He Didn't!

2009-07-09T02:45:00.001-07:00

Has Chia gone too far? Chia Obama is now available. I don't know why I find this so unflattering and disrespectful, but I do. At the same time, I need to buy 100 of these because in 10 years they'll be worth $1000 a piece on EBAY. Check it out for yourself at http://www.chiaobama.com.

American Buddhists; Is Buddism the new Christianity?

2009-06-30T04:15:00.001-07:00

American Buddhist, originally uploaded by emptysquare.

Here's a thought: Remember when Buddhism was cool because it wasn't like other religions. You didn't have that one person at a dinner party telling you how much better your life would be if you just let go of your attachment to material things and accepted their impermanence and that you could find the strength to get through any situation by seeking the power of meditation.

Don't get me wrong; I like the idea of Buddhism, but I'm conflicted because I also have such a huge distaste for organized religion. Religion is and has been one of the leading causes of war, hatred and bigotry in recorded history. Religion can also be one of the most offensive things a person with their own defined spiritual boundaries can be confronted by. When I was 7, my family moved to Cerritos, CA, which at the time was a bit of a cow-town. It was a wonderland of brand new track homes sold to a community of rednecks who all moved further into the desert the moment the first Mexican and Chinese families bought homes there. Anyway, as a nice Jewish boy (the only Jewish boy) in my class, I was shocked when who I thought was my best friend warned me that I would burn in hell if I didn't accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior. [Yes, a 7 year old said that to me, like I said, a wonderland.] So I have my own personal issues about people attacking others with their religious views.

That all being said; have American Buddhists become like modern-era born-again Christians? Do Americans even have the wiring to shed their narcissism in order to enable them to function as true Buddhists? Come on, the irony of an "om" symbol sticker on the back of a brand new BMW isn't lost on me; neither is the irony of someone talking your ear off about how much better your life could be if you found your center through the teachings of the Buddha - but is that irony even visible to those who perpetuate it?

If someone sent you an event invite on Facebook (by the way, if you aren't familiar at this point with the way Facebook works, then there is no saving you. Even my parents are on Facebook, get with the program) Okay, so say you received a Facebook invite to some kind of Christian, Catholic or Jewish group meeting (assuming that you are not a practicing member of said religion) offering an opportunity to learn more about said religion. There is a good chance that you would either be offended or very dismissive of said invite. Now imagine you received that same invite, but it was for a Buddhist retreat or a Buddhism information gathering, would you feel the same way? Do you think that's how shit goes down in Tibet? This is less about Buddhism, I suppose and maybe even less about organized religion, but it definitely about how Americans epically fail at taking something beautiful and incorporating it into our culture and how hipster douchebags can take all the fun out of studying something interesting.

I will continue to practice my own meditation but this will undoubtedly keep me among the masses that keeps their own spirituality and does not wear it like a superhero cape, lean on it like a crutch or stand on it like a pedestal so I can look down on those who don't stand there with me.

Hi, my name is Shaq. Please pay attention to me.

2009-06-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

I love Shaq. I hated him like an ex girlfriend after a bad breakup when he left the Lakers, but 5 years later I can admit, I never got over him. Here he is making the long drive across his property from the guest house to the main house.

Eat a dick, Valentine's Day, you can't kill me or my car!

2009-02-13T16:16:00.000-08:00

I hate Valentine's Day; not for any real emotional or romantic reason, specifically, it's because it is the worst day of the year for me and my car. Which is ironically probably the most stable relationship I have with any one person or thing. I live in Los Angeles, I am entirely dependent on my car to get anywhere. My car and I have been through so much together in the 8 years we've known each other. Road trips (my car loves Vegas), romantic evenings (wink wink), fine dining and to make it even better, my car and my dog get along great, so I can hang out with them both and it's all good.

Unfortunately, V.D. (Valentine's Day) is trying to undo my autopian existence regularly every February 14th, at least for the last 4 years.

First, in Feb of 2006, I was t-boned by a very inattentive transgendered person in a Daewoo who had to be going at least 75 miles an hour up Vine and never even tried to hit the brakes. My poor guy was all banged up from fender to back door and I was entirely twisted from skull to sacrum. Even though the accident could have been avoided entirely for about 30 seconds before the impact, I was still held liable and probably bought his/her new vagina.

Then in 2007, I came outside at 8am to go to work and I had the dreaded Denver Boot on my car. After cab/bus/walking downtown to the spot I found out I had to pay in cash (exact change actually, can you believe it) and I didn't have $650 laying around in large bills so I had to hoof it a couple of miles to the bank and back and wait in line again only to wait several hours for the boot to be removed.

In 2008, I said "fuck it" and locked the car in the driveway and myself in my house to make sure we were both out of harm's way and it worked! I had planned to do the same thing this year but V.D. got the jump on me. On my way home today while stopped on Cahuenga, I was rear-ended by a lovely old Armenian codger in a 84 Tercel. My only problem with this whole thing is that he obviously can barely afford an increase in his insurance and he seemed like a nice guy. Why can't I ever get hit by a really rich guy in a really expensive car? I like my odds of being handed 10k in bills and Bearer Bonds on the spot. Back in like 1996, I was driving down Santa Monica blvd in Beverly Hills when a huge red Hummer flipped a U turn in front of me and almost killed me and my 89 Lebaron. When I looked at the driver to make eye-contact for a proper "F You" I realized in was Arnold Schwarzenegger and I probably should have let him hit me.

Anyway, I have to call my insurance company and set up an appt. for an estimate. Thanks a bunch Valentine's Day, you totally can suck a bag of dicks.

Grosse Point Blank:12 Years Later

2009-01-13T01:18:00.000-08:00

So I like movies - okay, in all fairness, I watch movies and sometimes I like them. Part of me thinks, because of what I do and what I hope to do, that if someone went through all of the trouble to make a film (trust me, it's very, very difficult- allow me to go on a tangent; So let's say you have an idea for a company you want to start and you need $1 million to start said company. Once that company is off the ground and running, in theory it should then become self-contained and generate a profit and be something to leave to your slowest child so they always have something to fall back on. No small task, right? It's not easy to get that kind of start-up capital even if you have a sure-fire business plan that is guaranteed to make 300 times the initial investment. Now imagine you want to start a business that will only exist for about 6-16 months, will only generate 1 product that will have to subjectively appeal to a mass audiences and then said company will go away like it never existed, but hopefully continue to draw equity from this one "product." That is what it's like to get a budget to make an independent film. Sorry, as I was saying. . .) If someone went through all of that trouble to make a film, and it's on cable and I can DVR and watch it when there is absolutely nothing else to do, dog-gone-it, I'm gonna watch it!

Anyway, so about a week ago I was suffering through some insomnia and I was flipping through the channels (not specifically looking for Skinemax, fyi) and I came in about 30 minutes in to Grosse Point Blank (or GPB if you're not square [doing that thing with my index fingers, kinda outlining a square] ) and I realized that I actually liked this movie. So I set a timer and sat down tonight and watched the entire film for the first time since 1998. The first time I saw it I believe was on DVD (and it had to be like the 3rd DVD I ever saw if I'm correct) and I remember seeing it with my ex-girlfriend when we first started dating. This girlfriend had actually used one of her "name 3 celebrities you get a pass to sleep with should the occasion ever arise" on John Cusack, so I had that going for me. In all fairness, though, we both had quirky choices. Mine were Sarah Silverman, Parker Posey & Milla Jovovich

(which in retrospect, I maybe could have done better than that but I made my bed and I slept in it(with my GF, never my celebrity crush). I believe her 3 where Cusack, Dick Cheney & The not-so-tall guy from the Station Agent

- but I might be wrong about the last two and maybe my picks were more like Jenna Jameson, Tia Carrere and Betty White, but none of that really matters right now.

Where was I? Oh that's right, GPB:
Now I can talk about the metaphors: Contract killing is like any job you hate but you do for the money, you can't go home again, Michigan sucks balls (okay, not really a metaphor), but I'm going to spare you that. I'll sum up in a few sentences what would have been a painful to watch sequel- where would Marty and Debi be now, 12 years later?

So let's say Marty has been out of the killing game for 12 years. He had some cash saved up, but not enough for 60 years of retirement (by the way, anyone else not buying the idea that Cusack was 28? I mean, I forgot about it midway through act 1, but they keep reminding you that he's only supposed to be 28 every time they say "high school" or "reunion" or "high school reunion" or "10 year high school reunion"). Let's say he and Debi open a little bed and breakfast somewhere in Maine or Vermont or even Northern California, do they have kids? Are we to believe that Marty would never feel that urge to kill again? Take it from Homer Duklau, once you've had that taste of blood on your lips, you thirst for it. So let's say Marty starts "taking care" of guest he doesn't like. It starts with one guy who refused to pay for his ppv Porn, next thing he's whacking a guy for double dipping at the Continental breakfast. Maybe he even gets Debi into it, maybe it even becomes the only way they can get off. I saw movies in the mid 90's, they were all about disenfranchised young couples shooting and fucking their way across the country. By the way, interesting fact, my ex had the opportunity with Dick Cheney, but he can only get it up if he fucks on a pile of dead babies. True Story.

So what's to become of this iconic silver-screen couple? I mean this was a big panty dropper back in the late 90's. Almost like post baby-boomer version of Bogart and Bergman in Casablanca. Even guys got a little soft on the plot because everybody has someone they still felt for - someone they hurt because they were young and stupid. We could all relate, but the fact is, most likely Marty and Debi got into a fight a month later in a hotel room in Laughlin, NV over something stupid like which buffet they were going to eat at and Marty put a fucking bullet in her head and buried her in the desert. I know! It's awful, but he's a killer and they never really had a relationship built on trust, at least that's how I see it. By the way, my guess is that Piven's character had a massive coronary at a Spearmint Rhino like 5 days after the reunion.

. . .And we're back

2009-01-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

Cruel. Cruel that my short winter break is over. Cruel that I now have to return to work to cheery, "Happy New Year" greetings from people. I suppose I could have gotten some blogging done over break, but I bought Rock Band 2 and that's where my time went. Okay, my producer just showed up, so now I actually have to work.

Even More Blatant Self-Promotion

2008-12-11T14:54:00.000-08:00

Here's a video I directed and edited for Lennon Murphy's new Band, Devil's Gift last February. Special thanks to Todd Bell for the great camera work and the rest of the crew for working so cheap. I heart each and every person on that set. Here's how it came out.

Devil's Gift "Shadows Never Ending" from ben levine on Vimeo.

More Blatant Self-Promotion

2008-12-11T14:50:00.000-08:00

About 6 months ago, I edited this video for "Neon Neon" directed by the great Rob Schroeder. I think it's the cat's pajamas. Take a peek below. . .

Neon Neon "I Told Her on Alderaan/Trick for Treat" from ben levine on Vimeo.

Blatant Self-Promotion

2008-12-10T14:51:00.000-08:00

Hi, so I'm an editor, I do all kinds of stuff but Music Videos and short films are labors of love that I actually enjoy working on. Here's a youtube playlist of crap I've done. Enjoy.

Would a rose [Wunder Boner] by any other name smell not as sweet?

2008-12-09T20:37:00.000-08:00

So I'm a Pisces. I like the ocean. I like seafood. I like to fish. I like puppy dogs and a funky beat, though neither of those last two things are actually relevant. So anyway, it's happened to all of us - you're out in the fresh water, catching trout or whatnot, hanging with the crew, perhaps getting your beer or brown liquor on and it gets to be about that time when you have to clean,
gut and bone your fish. It's a pain in the ass and who likes a bone stuck in their throat? Certainly not anyone I've dated. Well, if you watch the video (below) you will see that this is really an amazingly effective product:

Anyhow, every now and then a product rolls around with such simple design and practical application that it kills you that someone with an 8th grade education probably invented it.

Corie Blounts or Playing basketball and weed, they go together like watching basketball and weed.

2008-12-05T14:36:00.000-08:00

I just got this story from Yahoo Sports:

Ex-NBA player
Blount arrested on drug count

HAMILTON, Ohio (AP)—Former NBA basketball player Corie Blount has been charged with picking up 11 pounds of marijuana in southwest Ohio.

Butler County Sheriff Richard Jones said after the 39-year-old Blount retrieved the package from a Liberty Township address on Thursday, deputies followed him to his home nearby and arrested him. Jones said officers found another 11 pounds of marijuana inside Blount’s house.

Blount was charged with felony drug possession. He was released from custody on $10,090 bond.

The center on Cincinnati’s Final Four team in 1992, Blount went on to an 11-year NBA career that included stints with the Chicago Bulls, L.A. Lakers, Cleveland Cavaliers, Phoenix Suns, Philadelphia 76ers and Toronto Raptors.

His phone is unlisted and court officials couldn’t say whether he has an attorney.

Wow, I was a Blount fan from his days in the Purple and Gold, so I'm sad for him and his family - not because he likes weed, but because a felony drug rap (especially in Ohio) is never an easy thing to deal with, but maybe we all need to consider the possibility that being an NBA player is a gateway position that leads to marijuana use. Consider the others who have been busted: Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Robert Parish, Eddie Griffin, Joakim Noah, Marcus Camby, Allen Iverson, Isaiah Rider, Lamarijuana Odom - and those are just a few of the guys who have been caught!
Richard Dumas, a former Phoenix Sun who was banned from the league for drug and alcohol use in the 90's once said, "If they tested for pot, there would be no league. . . Weed is something guys grow up doing, and there's no reason for them to stop. Because almost everyone does it, no one wants to test for it. They're afraid to.'' Of course that was back in 1997 before the league implemented their modern drug testing policy which includes screening for pot use.
From my personal experience as a basketball enthusiast and marijuana user (for medical purposes) I can tell you that the two go together like Chocolate and Peanut Butter or Rum and Coke or Beer and Pretzels. If you smoke a joint on a playground and someone hands you a basketball, it feels pretty fucking amazing. I personally wouldn't go so far as to call it performance enhancing, but it really doesn't hurt your game too much either. Let's just agree to file this under "David Stern loves Sausage, but doesn't want to know how it's made."

The Curse of Elgin Baylor or Why the Clippers Should Move to Anaheim or Seattle

2008-10-30T00:43:00.000-07:00

I'm a Laker fan. That's the truth. I have no greater sports related loyalty than my love of the Lakers. Who else do I like in the NBA? Nobody. That's right. I like the Lakers. Not the Lakers and The Cavs or The Lakers and The Bulls. Just the Lakers. Okay, with that out of the way, you can understand where I'm coming from as an NBA (Lakers) fan.

Because the Lakers share Staples Center with NBA's Clippers, Mike Dunleavy, Lakers, Elgin Baylor, NBA, David Stern, Mike Dunleavy Jr.Special Olympics contingent (The Clippers) there are certain nights that either team will usually play. The Clippers tend to get Mondays,Wednesdays,and Saturdays, while the Lakers get Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays and Sundays. It's my understanding that some bizarre game involving sticks, rubber "pucks" and ice is also played at Staples Center, but I'll believe it when I see it.

I personally would love to see the Clippers bail to another locality, leaving the Lakers the flexibility to schedule home games on Saturdays, Mondays and Wednesdays, a flexibility that can only benefit Laker fans and eliminate some Sunday home games in which the lakers wear their hideous "Sunday Whites." I know, I know, this is about the Clippers, not the Lakers, I'm getting there.

So the Clippers are coached by Mike Dunleavy. Mike Dunleavy is kind of a dick. He was a dick when he coached the Lakers 18 years ago. He was a dick when he coached the Trailblazers. He was even a dick in Milwaukee, a harmless ma and pa market. The point is, he's a dick. He's just like so many WCM's that run coorperations or hold VP of Creative Services Titles at networks where I've been employeed (see Flight of the Ghettobird for more on that). I'm talking about guys that make bad decisions, are predatory against their co-workers, seeking to yeserp the power and/or salary of anyone who poses a threat to their authority or has the knowledge to expose them for the fraud they are.

Okay, now for the last 22 years, the Clippers were run by NBA Legend, Elgin Baylor. He might not have been the best GM (though he did win NBA Executive of the Year a few years ago), but he was a gentleman and a basketball giant who was up against great odds running a cursed franchise for a Slum-Landlord of an owner. It's a thankless job, but Elgin sat there and took the heat for losing season after losing season all the while knowing that Clippers owner, Donald Sterling was the real reason for all of the teams shortcomings. If I sound defensive for Elgin Baylor's sake, I should let you know, the man was a Laker. In fact his number is retired and hung in the rafters with other Laker's greats.

Anyway. This season, Mike Dunleavy wedged out Baylor and took over his responsibilities, claiming he had been responsible for signing players and negotiating their contracts for months now, so Elgin had become expendable. This, I should note, came after a summer in which the Clippers failed to resign Maggette and Brand (both moved on to greener pastures) and looked to build their team around perennial locker-room cancer Ricky "Motherfuckin'" Davis and great but always-injured Marcus Camby and Baron Davis. Brand and Maggette could not wait to get out of town. Brand even went as far as not even calling Dunleavy to let him know he had decided to sign with the 76ers. That's how much his own players hate the guy. I also should note that at one point, Dunleavy had lobbied to trade away valuable assets to acquire his own son, Mike Dunleavy Jr. a player whose skills are only valuable in my Dorky White Guy fantasy league. Thankfully, it was Elgin Baylor who put the kibosh on that. My point is, Dunleavy is a hack GM who makes selfish decisions. The fact that Baylor was forced out by that prick and the Clippers didn't even have the class to send out a press release or stage a press conference. They merely omitted Baylor from the 2008/2009 press kit. Unbelievable!

This brings me to my point, The Clippers' Curse. Now the Clips are forced to play every home game in the shadow of Elgin's retired jersy. I only hope this finally convinces them to be the first NBA team in Afghanistan, I'm sure David Stern is already checking out the cheap labor and getting ready to market Clippers' Burkas and Baron Davis-Kabobs.

Holy Fucking Crap!

2008-10-22T15:13:00.000-07:00

Jane's Addiction is playing a gig with Eric Avery on Bass tomorrow night. Now I have to figure out how to get in. Any ideas?

I'm rich bitch!

2008-10-20T16:22:00.000-07:00

I decided to put advertisements on my blog, mainly just to see if there is a way to actually make a profit with a blog. Feel free to click or not to click as you see fit.

Rest in Peace, you Human Tornado

2008-10-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

I guess it had to happen eventually, but the world has one less black superhero; Rudy Ray Moore passed away in Akron, Ohio at 81 from Diabetes-related complications. I'm sure all the ladies out there know, he was just too sweet for this world.

I first heard of the actor, made famous by his raps (before there was rap) and his film roles, most notably Dolomite, back in high school when the white man was getting me down. Rudy paved the way for me to seek out such great films as Superfly, The Mack, Black Samurai, Black Belt Jones, Black Ceasar (which has an amazing soundtrack by James Brown) and too many countless other films that empowered African Americans and enabled their culture to transcend geography. When I was in college, I made it my mission to pass on the works of these groundbreaking entertainers to as many of the unexposed as I could.

Unfortunately, we all have to die sometime and in a way, I'd like to think that Rudy Ray Moore was making one more push for race relations in his death in that he's saying, "Yo, Whitey, we all gonna die, that's why you just have to keep all yo' shit fly."

Here is Rudy in perhaps his most famous role, Dolomite:

Here he is in a clip from Dolomite which proves that he was rapping way before Grand Master Flash, Melly Mel or The Sugar Hill Gang:

And lastly, here he is in one of my all time favorite films, Avenging Godfather (also known as "Avenging Disco Godfather.") If you are a fan of Big Daddy Kane, this is where he got the phrase, "Put yo' Weight on it!" This movie has it all, disco dancing, kung fu, people getting dusted and having the same hallucination of witches and vampires and shit, OMG it is soooo good. It's really a 90 minute long anti-PCP PSA.

Yep, this is a pretty sad day for me. Those who knew me in my early 20's know that I was maybe this close to starting a religion based around Rudy Ray Moore's teachings. I think I'm gonna have to watch Disco Godfather one more time tonight.

Uggh! Sarah Palin did SNL and to make matters worse she didn't suck; but how does that give us new perspective on her?

2008-10-20T00:45:00.000-07:00

If you know me, then you know that I don't exactly "love" Sarah Palin. I'm less than impressed with her educational background. I despise religious fundamentalism. I have a hard time understanding why she would use Alaskan State money to pay a bounty on an endangered species. I think "drill baby, drill" is shrill baby, shrill. My hatred of her has even alienated me from people who I really liked but couldn't deal with my total disdain for her.

Now I'm not going to pretend that Saturday Night Live is the sacred improv comedy entity it was in the late 70's, so I'm not surprised or offended that they would put Palin on the show (even though they really have had a brilliant run of palin-parody [parolin, if you will] and getting her on the show is just good for business) but I do have to wonder how uncomfortable it is for the cast members to then have to be in the same room as much less be introduced to Palin after possibly putting one of the last few nails in her political coffin.

It's like when I worked at G4 and I was called in to the HR department for an interview regarding some claims that were made against my superiors. I sat there for 2 hours explaining all of their horrible shortcomings to an HR representative who greased the wheels by telling me about their "open door policy." She explained that the HR department was there to hear any of our concerns about the workplace and that we should always feel comfortable coming in to blow the whistle on our coworkers because they'll never let anyone know who came in and who said what. I figured if I had total annonimity I could just open the flood gates and discuss the apparent (though not proven) kickbacks, the mismanagement, the sexism, the racism, the anti-semitism, the elitism and the overall gross imcompetence of the management of my department. So I'm sitting there spilling the beans on my prick supervisors thinking,"Wow, this is awesome. This will never get back to me!" Well, the next day I came into work to a very cold reception from my supervisors. I worked there another 10 months, always knowing that they knew exactly what I said about them, which I will not go into detail about, but trust me, you would feel very uncomfortable if you were me or my supervisors. Anyway, it's that kind of uncomfortable situation that would make this set visit difficult for the cast and the writers and an opportunity for Palin to feel super close to her pal Jesus when she's taking the moral high road (I think it cuts through Jesus' backyard). Anyway, here's the clip:

So here are my thoughts:
1)Alec Baldwin is awesome. He had no problems laying it on about Palin while she stood right there. Even though its a bit, its not easy to do when you everyone knows that you hate her even more than you're joking that you do.

2)I got confused when they wheeled out that mannequin that looked like Marky Mark. It was all, "Oil can, oil can" or some shit, but whatever, it was made of wood and looked like Marky Mark.

3)Palin did alright- though I think she turned back into the Palitron-3000 random-word-generating-fembot when she got in front of the podium.

There is something you have to bear in mind though, Palin has a degree in Journalism. A degree that she went to like 5 schools in 5 years to get*, so don't think she didn't take it seriously. She also has a pageant background and I believe (though I have no source of confirmation) that she at one point was a TV news reporter of some sort. The point is, she is kind of built for these kind of appearances (and for weekday work at Jumbo's Clown Room). Here's why it's scary: She looked more at ease doing SNL than she does selling herself as VP and selling her ticket as worthy of votes. It should be the opposite, don't you think? I'd feel much more comfortable about a candidate that was at ease on the dais and "a little shaky" on a nationally televised live comedy program. The worst part is, even if (and by if, I hope I mean 'when') McCain/Palin/Christ loses the election, you know she's gonna get a talk show. We're pretty much screwed either way.

*this is from Wikipedia:

She received her bachelor's degree in communications-journalism from the University of Idaho and attended the following schools

Hawaii Pacific University (Fall 1982),
North Idaho College (Spring 1983 & Fall 1983),
University of Idaho (Fall 1984 - Spring 1985),
Matanuska-Susitna College (Fall 1985) and
University of Idaho (Spring 1986, Fall 1986 and Spring 1987 ).
Before this she graduated from Wasilla High School in Wasilla, Alaska.

Up Yours Literacy & decency! I have a blog.

2008-10-03T01:55:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody. So I'm Ben, but I'm assuming if you're reading this, its because you know me and I told you to go to this URL and read my blog. I mean, other than the Jewish Anti-Defamation league, who might actually seek out a blog called Jew Boy Boullabaisse?

So here's the deal. I totally ripped-off the name from the Beastie Boys song "B-Boy Bouillabaisse" off of Paul's Boutique, perhaps one of the greatest albums ever. So before you make accusations about my plagiarizing the Beastie Boys, I'm owning it right now.

Here is what you can expect from my blog:

Running Commentary on The Los Angeles Lakers and the NBA in general, though this is NOT a sports blog.

Recipes and Restaurant reccomendations. I'm a foody. I love food. Foody food foody food food.

Music- I like music. I used to play music often, not so much these days. All of my songs came out Country Western. That would be cool if that's what I were going for. Hopefully this blog doesn't turn out decidedly Country Western too.

My big emotional rollercoaster of a life. I'm kind of promising myself that I won't pull punches when talking about my life and than that general honesty about myself will be cathartic and wonderful and I'll grow out of all my bad habits and sprout butterfly wings and a unicorn horn (not like the huge zit growing out of my forehead right now. . . [SEE! Honesty! I get zits!]) but I'm pretty sure I'll puss-out and censor myself like most bloggers except I won't be wearing prada or a Star Trek uniform when I do it. (See! Already a joke at the expense of bloggers!)

And most importantly, this blog will feature a wealth of observations and photos and videos of my dog, Homer Wolfchop DuKlau, who I have a totally unhealthy obsession with.

Now, about me in case you don't know me, I am 36. I live in Hollywood with the above mentioned dog. I am freakshow tall - 6'8" which might make me the largest Jew in captivity. I work as a film/video editor and sometimes Director - I'm sure I'll self promote as time goes on. I was in a 10 year relationship up until March of 2007 (okay, we broke up the day after my birthday over my actual birthday dinner because my life is Awe-some!) So you can probably eventually expect a bunch of blogs about dating and making an ass of myself and having my heart shattered into millions of little pieces.

Okay, I know you can't wait for me to post more, but this is all I got for now. Thanks for reading, feel free to check back often. I might see how much illegal shit I can get away with and reward my readers with MP3's and stuff as I figure out how to add them to my site.