Engrish

This is from Molly's burgers on Vine. Good sandwich, better Engrish.

On the Bittersweet Road Again

So I just got a last minute gig that's kind of amazing. I get to travel all over Europe for 1-8 weeks depending on how soon I blow it, and I get to see amazing sites (and sights), eat amazing food, I'm rolling with a great crew of guys that I really like hanging out with who will bring out my A-game because that's what they bring every day. But right now I'm sitting in the Tom Bradley Terminal at LAX, flush-cheeked, red-eyed, a tad teary eyed too, because it means that I will have to be without my sweet Brooke for this entire trip. Brooke, my amazing fiancee, so beautiful, so smart, so kissable, so worldly, so strong, so wonderful, and I'm a big pussy who can't stand to be away from her for so long. In addition to that, I will be without my sweet doggies for just as long. I feel so blessed for this opportunity and certainly, the compensation is fantastic and I'm so excited about the trip, but I feel that every time I experience something special, I will think of Brooke and how much she would enjoy it and I'll be sad. Trust me, the folks curbside got quite an eye-full when the 6'8" tall guy stood crying as he kissed his pretty tall redhead goodbye, even Brooke cried a bit (trust me, I'm totally the chick in the relationship, I cry when friends have babies, I cry when pets die, I cry when I hear a sad song, I'm a huge emo pussy).

Anyway, 90 minutes until takeoff and I have exit-row seats for my entire trip there and I'm giddy with excitement at the prospects, but I'm sad as shit that I can't experience it all with my soulmate by my side. Photos to come as they happen. Bon Voyage!

I was a Teenaged Security Threat.

It seems like many people are putting in their two cents regarding TSA and pat-downs or what not, so I figure I should join in:

Even pre-9/11 I have always been a target for Airport Security. In Nice, they stopped me 3 times to search all my luggage between the front door and the gate, when I was a teenager I would frequently be pulled aside and searched or even "patted-down," I almost always end up being that random guy who has to have his carry-on swabbed for explosives. While I never found it particularly fun, I realized that this was the reality I lived in which meant I had to get to the airport early enough to make my flight in light of the extra scrutiny that I would be placed under. I knew that sometimes my pants might fall down a bit when I was forced to remove my belt. I knew that there was nothing I could do about it because complaining or being rude or difficult was not an option. That being said:

Quit your bitching, take off your shoes, empty your pockets, pull your laptop out of your carry-on, and shut the fuck up and be thankful that you have enough going for you that you aren't a TSA agent, because believe it or not, most of them don't want to have to grope old ladies and college students for a living.

and now I'm off my soapbox.

Blerg

Today I have the privilege of helping my producer export a spot for Promax. The thing is, the spot was my concept, which he then took out of house to another editor. Out of the countless spots I edited last year, nothing was submitted by my employer to Promax, except of course for the two spots that were my concepts that I don't get credit for. What a great industry I work in.

Oh, to be a Laker fan heading into the playoffs!

lakers vs blazers, originally uploaded by allanallanallan.

My family moved to Los Angeles from the East Coast in the Summer of 1976 when I was 4 years old. by the time I was 9, I had beed reborn, baptized anew as a Los Angeles Lakers fan. We had Buck (Magic) Cap (Kareem) Bob McAdoo, Norm the DUI Nixon, Coop, Smrek, McNamara, (OK, Smrek and McNamara were not particularly good players, but they were the dorky white guys that backed up Kareem, and they do have rings). We have the best Owner in sports in Jerry Buss, a super-pimp. poker player of a man who prefers a luxury box full of young women to sitting in the front row with a too-tight t-shirt, with sweat pouring down his comb-forward while he argues with refs (take note, Mark Cuban). The NBA logo himself, the great Jerry West, was a one time coach, and executive and a permanent fixture in the Laker family.


(What a good NBA team owner looks like)


(What a sweaty douchebag looks like)
So anyway, by 9 years old, I was hooked on the Lakers. Like the kind of hooked where I was making $10 bets with Celtics Fans and using the spread and odds and winning money purely based on faith in the Lakers always coming through no matter how the odds were stacked against them.


(only because I couldn't find the old-school anti-celtics Ghostbusters teesh online)

Because of this, I realized at a young age that you cannot count out a person or team of championship caliber based on how they perform in the regular season. Phil Jackson is known to have a somewhat relaxed attitude about losing leads in games or losing games in general. The understanding is, that the team will learn more from losing a game than they will from winning a game. This totally makes sense to me, my biggest mistakes were my biggest life-lessons. So when the lakers drop a few games in January, February and/or March, people start to freak out a little. Is Kobe taking too many shots? Is Ron Artest hurting us offensively? Is Fisher too old? Is Farmar too often in Phil's doghouse? Is Phil thinking ahead to coaching Lebron as a Clipper? All of these and may other equally ridiculous questions are raised on a seemingly annual basis.

In the 1999-2000 season, the first season with PJ as coach, the Lakers went 67-15. That's pretty effing good, by the way. Anyway, come January they went 16-4. I know, 16-4! With all four losses coming two at a time. I remember the media freaking the hell out about the the Eddie Jones & Elden Campbell for J.R. Reid and Glen Rice trade. OMG! They shot themselves in the foot! It's the end!
In the 2000-2001 season they went 56-26, clearly lottery bound! They lost games early in the season, they lost games late in the season, they lost to terrible teams like the Clippers and the Warriors, surely the would't succeed in the playoffs? Kobe hates Shaq, Shaq hates Kobe. Phil hates everybody including then GM Jerry West, Robert Horry can't stand the drama, who the hell is Mike Penberthy? Why is everybody yelling?!?! When is the Panda Express at the Staples Center going to finally open?!?!? And the Lakers go 15-1 in the playoffs and take the Larry O'Brien Trophy in Philly while Cookie Monster and The NBA's littlest thug cry in their towels.

2001-2002, the Lakers are 58-24, Mike Penberthy was released after 3 games, we couldn't seem to beat the Blazers (except for 3 straight to sweep the first round). We couldn't beat the Spurs (except for beating them in 5 games in round 2: does anyone else remember that deer-in-the-headlights look on Tim Duncan's face in that series? I mean, say what you will, he's mos def H.O.F. caliber, but he did not look confident in that series


Can we take a minute to talk about the Spurs' Spursmoni logo and court color scheme from the early part of last decade? What the hell were they thinking? Would men really rock that color when the go to Chilis on the Riverwalk? Anyway, back to the topic, anytime the Lakers dropped a game, it was the beginning of the end. Their demise was predicted countless times to no avail.

Ironically, it was the 2003-2004 Lakers, the team that brought in Malone and Payton that seemed for the time being to shake the stigma of self-destruction. I remember that offseason well, Karl Malone signed, Gary Payton signed, Kobe was accused of rape. . . oh, wait, that wasn't a good thing. Anyway, I remember when Malone was signed, my buddy Jeremy was ecstatic. "Dude, we just signed Karl Malone!" he said.
"Dude, I hate Karl Malone, I hate the Jazz, I mean he's a great player, but do you really want to see him in a Laker Uniform?" I asked. While everyone made plans for a parade in June, I knew that an NBA title couldn't be bought, it can only be built or in some rare instances it can be stolen (see Kevin Garnett Trade and 2008 Boston Celtics). I knew that the previous year's implosion against the Spurs would prove too much for this nucleus. As sad as it made me to see it, the best thing we could do is get rid of Fat Shaq and rebuild around Kobe.

Sure the next few years sucked ass. It was safe to say that nobody expected much from the Lakers and I was in that majority. There were some highlights, like when Bynum tried to get cute with Shaq:


or when the Lakers almost beat Phoenix (sigh)


But it was't until the Lakers made an amazing trade with the Memphis Grizzlies that it all came back together. A little side note here: People love to call the Gasol trade a gift or a steal, but that was a trade that actually worked out very well for the Grizzlies. They were able to clear 12 million in cap space with Kwame Brown's expiring contract (a move that may have saved the Grizzlies franchise. My parents live in Memphis, when I go to visit, I'm amazed at how cheap it is to go to an NBA game there, mainly because they can't get anyone to show up! They can get 30,000 fans a night seemingly to show up at a Tigers game, but the Grizzlies were actually less popular than High Holiday services and the Jerry Lawler hootenanny!). You also have to look at their current roster and realize that Marc Gasol, a candidate for most improved player this season was part of that trade, in addition, they acquired Darrel Arthur, a relatively promising young player in trading that 2008 draft pick (Donte Greene, who is a starter for the Kings I might add). Okay, enough of my soap box.

Now let's look at that 2007-2008 season, I thought for sure we would beat the Celtics, I was wrong, I can admit it. I underestimated the Celtics ability to do everything off the court to guarantee success on the court, but enough about that awful June, so let's move forward. . .

2008-2009!


Yup, we beat them Magic. . . folks though we wouldn't do it. (yawn)

Now here we are, 2010 and the Lakers have looked soft over the last month or so, but I'm not worried. This team can play defense when it has to and that will win you championships. My only concern is that Ron Artest doesn't know where that extra playoff gear is, but I have a feeling that Kobe will make sure he finds it.

Blind Item

Wow, how do I say this without revealing too much. . . I just received news regarding someone I know using a service in a way that makes me laugh.
Good job, Ben, everyone can follow that statement. ARGGGGG! I wish I could reveal more, but this is a big personal victory for me. I win!

Google voice has some bugs to work out in their transcribing software.

Here is the Google Voice version of the voicemail below as transcribed by them:

"Hey, we're going to have to morning to guide me that would be cool voicemails. Hello talk sucker talk to pocket tell us your so long. Good G 9. But China, but the guy and Smith But China. Epstein is, which i did good. Talk to Willie clips douche bag."

Obviously, they still have some work to do, I contributed by donating this voicemail to their efforts to improve their transcription.